I'm not saying it's going to be easy.

I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

fuck.

everything.

I really am so lucky that I have some people.

I hate it when you try so hard

And you still feel like you're doing shit. Let's continue to move forward world whilst you continue to throw more shit times and amazing times at me.

You popped my heart seams.

I have been bad today. Shit. Bad at something which shouldn't even exist. I'm not going to make any sense here. That's because I can't, I don't really have a choice. But yeah. I feel like such a weakling after today, maybe I am just weak. I should be able to do anything. I guess I should believe in myself more. Fuck, I've had the person I idolise most who is also like the most popular and amazing woman in the world tell me personally.. "you can overcome anything" ..but can I? I just don't know. I know that no matter how strong you are, every person in the world feels weak and useless at some point. I just hate it. I'm ruining and hurting myself. It's not fair, but I am. I'm not helping myself at all. It's just getting worse. I wish I could just say 'fuck it' and it would go away, but that's not how it works. Fuck it.

I'm going to wake up in the morning hopefully in a brighter mood and feel more positive. Everybody should believe in themselves.

I'm gonna tone down the miserable because I've been doing well with constructive posts for the past couple of ones.

This video is awesome.

This picture just made my night.

Is it weird that I find this picture amazing? I really do.

One of the things that winds me up in this world is the way people, particularly parents, act towards video games. I agree that children should not spend their whole life on video games, but I do not believe they should be banned from them either.

I am so sick of everybody claiming that video games make children violent. NO THEY DO NOT. Bitch please, I have an A Level in Media Studies (finding out my grade on Thursday ahhh..) and I studied this kind of thing last year, and my teacher told me that not one single court case in the world has ever been won through violence being blamed on video games, not one. My nephew is 5 years old. He plays shooting games on his Nintendo DS. Yet instead of being violent and hitting me and asking me to play crazy shooting games, he still just wants to play lego and dance and even asks to do my hair. So parents, please shut up.

One other thing that really winds me up where video games are concerned is sexism. I'm a girl and I play video games. I love my Xbox. I play Modern Warfare 2 online for fuck sake. Why? Because it's awesome. But I just hate how many guys are shocked about that kind of thing. And I also hate how people tell me I can't play because I'm a girl and I should be in the kitchen. FUCK THAT SHIT. You won't be saying that when I'm wiping the floor with you bitches, especially on Guitar Hero, which I beat all my male friends at. I feel like such a superstar on that game. Yeahhhhh.

Kids can play video games without turning into crazy motherfuckers and psycho killers.

Girls can play video games and kick your ass.
Just like the cute little girl in the picture. Aww.

fashion; put it alll on me.

I have just been reading Darian Darling's latest post about Madonna's new clothes line, called Material Girl, for teenage girls. It's actually pretty good for the prices but annoyingly based in the US. Taylor Momsen is the face of the line, and after reading this post I've just realised how jealous I am of Taylor. She is so pretty and fierce looking. She was always one of the best dressers in Gossip Girl, especially season 2, but she is so brave with her looks and I admire that. It's made me realise just exactly how much I suck with fashion. I wish I was brave. In fact I just wish I had the money to blow on clothes. That might help.

Having mainly boys as my best friends for the past 4 years is probably the reason for my lack of understanding with make-up and fashion. I was such a late-comer with make-up and only started wearing it when I was like 16. I'm 18 now and I'm still not that great with it. But I never really do anything about it. Maybe I should help myself out, maybe watch some tutorials on YouTube and try and find out somehow which make-up is right for me because I'm useless when it comes to buying it. When I started wearing make-up the bottle of foundation lasted me like a year or something for fuck sake. And I've never even tried wearing lipstick before. What the fuck is that about.

I'm still not great with buying clothes and looking good at all, but I think I might be getting better.

Recently I've started to take a proper interest in fashion. I think this is due to using Tumblr and also one of my best friends is quite interested in it. When I say a proper interest, I mean I'm now becoming more aware of who designers are and I'm actually enjoying looking at pictures of proper fashion. Luckily Gaga wears a lot of that so that helps. I think I'm going to try to watch some videos online of fashion shows too to see if I enjoy them.

I've loved Photography for like the past two years now since I took a course in it at college. And recently I've now learned to appreciate how amazing fashion photography is. One of my new favourite photographers is Nick Knight. He shoots alot of Gaga. People will probably think I only like him for her - not true. His work is amazing. It was just lucky that I found him because of Gaga.

I may be a bit late, but interest in fashion is finally emerging from me.

Hey you never know, I could be the next Gabrielle Chanel..

LOLJOKES.

(yes I did just have to look up her first name on Google because I had no idea what it was :/)

Here's a video of behind the scenes of a Lady Gaga shoot shot by Nick Knight for the latest issue of Vanity Fair. She is so funny in this! :)

you make me feel like i'm living a teenage dream.

I love Katy Perry. And I really do adore this song. I've played it literally like 100 times in the past two days. But I swear it's making me think too much.

Take a chance and don't ever look back. Pfft at my life.