"I have to be alone very often.

I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel."

- Audrey Hepburn.

WE LOVE YOU ASTON, WE DO.

WE LOVE YOU ASTON, WE DO.
WE LOVE YOU ASTON, WE DO.
OHHHHH ASTON WE LOVE YOU.

I've have chanted this so many times, both sober and drunk, this week it's crazy.

I'm pretty happy now, feeling lucky. Not only was I shitting myself about going to uni last week, but I was almost convinced that Aston Uni wasn't going to be the right place for me, and that I'd hate it.

But oh my god, it's so amazing so far! I feel so lucky with my floor and flat. We all get on in our flat and we're also close friends with two out of the other three flats on this floor, which is great, and we've even had an epic floor party that made it into the magazine already.

Freshers has been epic. I'm so sad that it's over. :( We have been so lucky with the aunties for our floor, Auntie Finn who is just an ace and laid back guy, and Auntie Kerry who is such a great laugh and she's really looked out for us. Most of the aunties fuck off after freshers apparently, but ours are still gonna hang with us. :D

It won't be the same though. I've been out almost every night but it's not that that I'm gonna miss. It's the seshes. I'm so used to having seshes every night with the rest of the floor and people from other floors and our aunties and other aunties (people clearly love our floor) playing epic drunk games which I love so much. I've learned so much before my lectures have even started ha. Punch party tonight was EPIC and free punch may be one of the best free things ever. Seshes have been my favourite thing so far I think. 50 of us sat in a circle playing simple drinking games whilst being forced to down our drinks by aunties after making simple mistakes such as drinking with your right hand rather than your left (also known as buffalo-ing) has been the best. And it WILL live on.

One. Fat. Frog. Jumped. Into. A. Pond. SPLASH.

I don't care if Freshers Week is over, I'm still gonna be Fresher Nat.

I'm gonna stop babbling now. But I had to get this down somewhere. I can't believe how much I was dreading uni, and it's turned out to be amazing so far. It's so weird, but so great. I'm a lucky girl.

I can now see why people say your years at uni are/will be the best years of your life. And it's already started. Still got four years left. It's gonna be great!

xoxo

WE LOVE YOU FLOOR 10, WE DO.
WE LOVE YOU FLOOR 10, WE DO.
WE LOVE YOU FLOOR 10, WE DO,
OHHHHH FLOOR 10 WE LOVE YOU!

sick of feeling shit.

I need to learn to keep hold of all those happy thoughts.

GONNA GET DRUNK.

REPEAL DON'T ASK DON'T TELL.

I am SO bored.

I miss my best friend. :(

hey remember that time

when you came to my house just to be with a friend because you were really upset about something? And you weren't ashamed to cry?

Well I wish I had the balls to do the same right now.

I wish boys could stop acting like boys sometimes

Ahhh I love my boys so much. I'm not sure what I'd do without them. They are some of my favourite friends ever and I'm going to miss them so much when I go to Uni.

But sometimes I wish they could be a little bit more sensitive, and caring. I'm not blaming them, it's just a boy thing, they can't help it. But I still can't help but hope for them to be like this sometimes. I've felt pretty crap and off this evening and I could hardly laugh or talk or anything when I was out with them, but not one of them asked if I was okay. Again, I'm not blaming them, but sometimes I just wish I had them there to ask that. Sometimes I just need a big long hug but it doesn't feel right getting it off them because they just don't seem to understand.

And now they probably all think that I've let them down tonight by not going to town. But I feel so down, and eugh, it just sucks. :( I just want everything to always be okay with my friends, so why was it different tonight?

FUUUUU. *cries*

I should have just been born a fucking boy. Bring on Brum.

so now town fails.

I have no idea, but recently I have really started hating town so much. This is town at night when going clubbing, not during the day of course, I love shopping.

I feel so stupid for hating it. Most people I know go out like every week adn get drunk in town and love it. I just don't find it appealing anymore, not sure I ever really did. I'm 18 and couldn't wait to turn 18 so I could go out clubbing, and it was fun at first, but now it's just shit.

But why am I like the only person who seems to think so? I have no problem with getting drunk (well, sometimes, when I don't humiliate myself..) I enjoy a drink, but town? Just, no. I only love it for the loud music and to see my friends, but I never seem to enjoy myself anymore when I go out. I much prefer to go to the pub or drink at a friend's house with others instead. There I can be myself, and I feel free. I feel comfortable. I can enjoy myself and we can all laugh together and add to the long list of good times. But town always ends up being awkward and I just stand there like a dick because I can't dance and because I know how shit I look compared to all the beautiful girls around me.

Am I weird?

I'm not saying it's going to be easy.

I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

fuck.

everything.

I really am so lucky that I have some people.

I hate it when you try so hard

And you still feel like you're doing shit. Let's continue to move forward world whilst you continue to throw more shit times and amazing times at me.

You popped my heart seams.

I have been bad today. Shit. Bad at something which shouldn't even exist. I'm not going to make any sense here. That's because I can't, I don't really have a choice. But yeah. I feel like such a weakling after today, maybe I am just weak. I should be able to do anything. I guess I should believe in myself more. Fuck, I've had the person I idolise most who is also like the most popular and amazing woman in the world tell me personally.. "you can overcome anything" ..but can I? I just don't know. I know that no matter how strong you are, every person in the world feels weak and useless at some point. I just hate it. I'm ruining and hurting myself. It's not fair, but I am. I'm not helping myself at all. It's just getting worse. I wish I could just say 'fuck it' and it would go away, but that's not how it works. Fuck it.

I'm going to wake up in the morning hopefully in a brighter mood and feel more positive. Everybody should believe in themselves.

I'm gonna tone down the miserable because I've been doing well with constructive posts for the past couple of ones.

This video is awesome.

This picture just made my night.

Is it weird that I find this picture amazing? I really do.

One of the things that winds me up in this world is the way people, particularly parents, act towards video games. I agree that children should not spend their whole life on video games, but I do not believe they should be banned from them either.

I am so sick of everybody claiming that video games make children violent. NO THEY DO NOT. Bitch please, I have an A Level in Media Studies (finding out my grade on Thursday ahhh..) and I studied this kind of thing last year, and my teacher told me that not one single court case in the world has ever been won through violence being blamed on video games, not one. My nephew is 5 years old. He plays shooting games on his Nintendo DS. Yet instead of being violent and hitting me and asking me to play crazy shooting games, he still just wants to play lego and dance and even asks to do my hair. So parents, please shut up.

One other thing that really winds me up where video games are concerned is sexism. I'm a girl and I play video games. I love my Xbox. I play Modern Warfare 2 online for fuck sake. Why? Because it's awesome. But I just hate how many guys are shocked about that kind of thing. And I also hate how people tell me I can't play because I'm a girl and I should be in the kitchen. FUCK THAT SHIT. You won't be saying that when I'm wiping the floor with you bitches, especially on Guitar Hero, which I beat all my male friends at. I feel like such a superstar on that game. Yeahhhhh.

Kids can play video games without turning into crazy motherfuckers and psycho killers.

Girls can play video games and kick your ass.
Just like the cute little girl in the picture. Aww.

fashion; put it alll on me.

I have just been reading Darian Darling's latest post about Madonna's new clothes line, called Material Girl, for teenage girls. It's actually pretty good for the prices but annoyingly based in the US. Taylor Momsen is the face of the line, and after reading this post I've just realised how jealous I am of Taylor. She is so pretty and fierce looking. She was always one of the best dressers in Gossip Girl, especially season 2, but she is so brave with her looks and I admire that. It's made me realise just exactly how much I suck with fashion. I wish I was brave. In fact I just wish I had the money to blow on clothes. That might help.

Having mainly boys as my best friends for the past 4 years is probably the reason for my lack of understanding with make-up and fashion. I was such a late-comer with make-up and only started wearing it when I was like 16. I'm 18 now and I'm still not that great with it. But I never really do anything about it. Maybe I should help myself out, maybe watch some tutorials on YouTube and try and find out somehow which make-up is right for me because I'm useless when it comes to buying it. When I started wearing make-up the bottle of foundation lasted me like a year or something for fuck sake. And I've never even tried wearing lipstick before. What the fuck is that about.

I'm still not great with buying clothes and looking good at all, but I think I might be getting better.

Recently I've started to take a proper interest in fashion. I think this is due to using Tumblr and also one of my best friends is quite interested in it. When I say a proper interest, I mean I'm now becoming more aware of who designers are and I'm actually enjoying looking at pictures of proper fashion. Luckily Gaga wears a lot of that so that helps. I think I'm going to try to watch some videos online of fashion shows too to see if I enjoy them.

I've loved Photography for like the past two years now since I took a course in it at college. And recently I've now learned to appreciate how amazing fashion photography is. One of my new favourite photographers is Nick Knight. He shoots alot of Gaga. People will probably think I only like him for her - not true. His work is amazing. It was just lucky that I found him because of Gaga.

I may be a bit late, but interest in fashion is finally emerging from me.

Hey you never know, I could be the next Gabrielle Chanel..

LOLJOKES.

(yes I did just have to look up her first name on Google because I had no idea what it was :/)

Here's a video of behind the scenes of a Lady Gaga shoot shot by Nick Knight for the latest issue of Vanity Fair. She is so funny in this! :)

you make me feel like i'm living a teenage dream.

I love Katy Perry. And I really do adore this song. I've played it literally like 100 times in the past two days. But I swear it's making me think too much.

Take a chance and don't ever look back. Pfft at my life.

So, my girl went to France today

Well yesterday now. And I miss her already. I have such bad timing I really wanted to talk the night before she leaves bahah #fail. It's okay though. I've just gotta live without her for like 2 weeks now. :( Lameeee. Currently hating France right now. Just, eugh. I hate things that nobody understands even when they say they do. Currently hating on myself. Bad times.

Well on the up side I bought a new top today from River Island and also finally got Semi Precious Weapon's album (which is AWESOMEEE) and I've been blasting it tonight. My sister also finally painted my nails today and I love them. Look :)

Another pointleess post most likely. These conversations with myself are really getting out of hand. Think I need help ha. I'm off to blast Second Time Around in bed because I'm in love with it right now. Goodnight. xoxo

Update.

I've actually been doing pretty well with updating this recently. Now I've FINALLY just updated my profile (including my picture!) as that shit was outdated. I don't think I have much else to say.

I'm happy Billy liked his birthday presents. :) I was so worried he wouldn't! I'm not the best person at buying presents at all. But it all seemed good and I hope he's having the best birthday ever. I'm just really sad that plans have been cancelled tomorrow now. I was really looking forward to them as it's rare all of us see eachother together nowadays. Sucks major.

I've eaten wayyyy too much in the past few hours so now I feel sick. Definitely not good. That is all. Maybe I'll get an early-ish night tonight for once? I'll give it a shot but I doubt it'll happen. I'm such an insomniac.

2:41am boredness

HELLOOOO this is me.

Not quite sure why I'm updating but ohwell. I forgot how much I loved this shirt; too bad it's ripped on one of the sides - tramp alert - ohwell I'm used to being a bit of a dosser so I'll continue to wear it! As you can probably see in the picture I'm wearing my hair in a bun. I never do this but I'm starting to like having it like that! Though I'm really crap at putting it into one so most of the time I look like a dick. Bad times.

I don't have work until Thursday now so I'm going to arse around until then me thinks. Oooohh also it's Billy's 18th birthday now. WIN. Happy Birthdayyy Billy not that you'll read this but I'm saying it anyway :D xxxxx

Oh also I had such a strange dream last night! I dreamt that Gaga shot me in the head lmao. :( It was sooo strange she had three of us in my room, one person I knew. She let the other two off except me and she shot me in the head! What the hell Gaga I thought we were friends!?! Haha, for some reason I didn't die though. I almost did as I felt my whole body go numb and saw a bright light so I thought I was about to die but didn't. I remember thinking that if I lead there she would think I was dead and I could get away but then she noticed so I was done for.. but then I woke up LOL such a random dream.

Goodnight Blogspot. xoxo

P.S: Gaga rolling in the rain is SEXYYY. Monsters will get what I'm on about ;) Ah I love her except for when she's trying to shoot me in the head of course..

Dreams do come true motherfuckers

Back in high school she wrote in her yearbook that it was her dream to headline at Madison Square Gardens. She's now doing that tonight and is due on stage anytime. FUCKYEAH. ♥

If that isn't proof that dreams can come true, then I don't know what is.

#MadisonSquareGaga

You make me cry.

And you give me hope.

I swear anyone who says she isn't talented is deluded, and I'm not even just saying that because I'm obsessed with her. LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING HANDS GO ON THE PIANO.

I'm going to bed now and attempting to believe in myself once again. xoxo

sit back down where you belong

in the corner of my bar with your high heels on.

This song is keeping my spirits up right now. I can't wait for October/November now. I'm hopefully going to Ireland for a few days WIN. GaGa + The Monster Ball + monster friends + halloween + GaGa costumes + alcohol + freedom = perfection. Should be so good!

I now have a part time job, even if it isn't that great, that's gonna get me a bit of money. Good times. Now I'm just hoping that Rachel can come down in August and that I can go to London in August to see Ems and Roberto etc. I hate having good friends so far away, but at the same time, I'm just lucky to have them.

In other news, today has been shit. I really wish some things just didn't exist.

However I have been talking to Christopher on Facebook chat for over an hour now, and he doesn't half make me laugh. :)

I know I just updated but

I should have posted that amazing post weeks ago but I've been k-kinda busy.

I'm not even sure why I'm updating this again. It's not like I have anything interesting to say, but do I ever?

Is it selfish to really worry about yourself? I don't know, I'm just really scared lately, of several things. I think too much then end up upsetting myself. I'm always such a happy face on the outside but deep down I've been feeling kinda shit more than usual recently. I wish some things would just stop. I hate it when you go through things that you can genuinely say you don't deserve, I'm hating on that right now. Wow, things suck. I'm also not completely loving how college has finished now. I kinda miss it. Time is going too fast. I can't believe I'm actually going to Uni in September. It's scary. My childhood has just gone, that's it, I'll never have another opportunity to live it and I spent most of it wishing I could grow up. I guess it just makes me sad because I hate change and growing up is one of the things that scares me the most. I miss when having fun could be your main priority. That just can't be the case anymore. Eugh. Everything's just scary and kinda shit. I really do wanna go back three weeks, to Manchester. Different environment and different people gave me the opportunity to escape from realism for a short while where everything seemed okay. And I had my dreams come true thanks to GaGa. Oh I sound like such a fuck up, probably because I am, but I kinda wish I was at the Monster Ball right now. To be honest I don't even care how retarded that sounds because it's true. Nobody gave a shit there and you feel connected to everybody. I love GaGa fans, purely because we all share a love that not everybody understands. I want to feel that love right now. Reality sucks. Take me back a few years please. I want to remember what it feels like to not have to worry about anything. Thanks.

Wow this post is a crock of shit, but I don't even care. This is my blog to rant and it's made me feel better. I'm gonna turn this sad music off before I have a breakdown and blast Bad Romance because I'M A FREE BITCH BABY. *memories of putting that in my exam.. oh god*

xoxoxoxoxo

3 weeks late but...

I MET LADY GAGA. I actually met her. Like, in my dreams. ♥

LOOK

She was amazing and so lovely and I'm not even going to write the story here, purely because I want to try and keep it personal to me now if I can. But she did get my letter and say I was beautiful. What an amazing person she is, really.

And AHHHHH literally three weeks ago now I would have been sat outside bursting for the toilet before going in and meeting her for the first time by accident. :') Oh the way I've been feeling recently, I'd do anything to go backwards three weeks and live the moment once again. xoxo

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

So it seems my next update isn't about The Monster Ball. Shame.

I'm feeling pretty sad right now, just feel so eugh. I'm sick of randomly getting upset and stuff, I know it's normal I'm sure but I hate it. It's ruining things. I wasn't completely up to seeing my old girls tonight because I was still feeling a bit rough and tired but deep down I was excited to see them as I hardly ever see them so I couldn't wait. However this random bad mood has just made me feeling too crap to even see them now so I've just had to cancel because I don't think I can face going round in this mood. I'm acctually really pissed off at myself. I need to stop letting little things get to me like how I look in clothes etc. I'm convinced that's what's triggered my mood tonight and now it's ruined my night and my chance to see the girls again tonight. What a fail. I'm really annoyed. Arghhh. I hope I become suddenley happier in the next hour or something so I can still go round and see them. I'm such an idiot at times. And no I will not re-read this to check it for spelling mistakes or any shit like that because I just needed to get this crap out somewhere.

[/rant]

fuck yeahhh

I finally got my GaGa ticket in my hand yesterday! I'm so unbelieveably excited it's going to be amazing! 6 days AHHHHHH.

The weather has also been pretty awesome recently. I'm enjoying the sun. I'm going to Blaise's tomorrow again to see my old girls. Even though we're not as close as we used to be and don't see eachother too often it's nice to know that when we do spend time together we can still have a laugh. I do miss how we were in high school though, I guess growing up sucks. I'm staying at Danny's on Saturday night with Billy too which I'm excited for as we always have such a laugh. I haven't seen Billy in a while too so I'm excited for that wooo.

I had my first of the summer exams today. It went okay, not as well as I expected but eugh, there's no point in dwelling on it, hopefully I managed to blag it!

I'm pretty tired. I had such a bad night last night. Couldn't sleep for ages and felt really sad for no reason. Really hate it when that happens. I've been having Uni worries too. Obviously I'm worried I won't get the grades but it's not even that right now. I just keep getting this horrible feeling that I'm not going where I want, like the choice I've made, both Uni and course choice, just aren't right for me. It only really hit me yesterday that where I'm going is quite far compared to other places I could go, and I don't know anyone else going there, this makes me sad. :( Life education-wise currently sucks. Kinda wish I could just blurt every thought in my head out to someone but it doesn't always work that way. I keep getting this feeling that a friend doesn't like me as much as they used to aswell, which is a horrible feeling. I'm sure I'm wrong though, maybe I should just quit being paranoid.

Anywaysss I'm a lazy shit when it comes to updating this so my next post will probably be about THE MONSTER BALL. =D

How epic. :')

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

YES.

This is what it's all about. ♥

Building faith on love and words.

I'm the girl who prefers one rose instead of a dozen. I'm the girl who would rather stay in on a Friday night than go to a wild party with random strangers. I'm the girl who wouldn't make you wait on her hand and foot, but would do anything to make you happy. I'm the girl who would enjoy having a movie night rather than going to some fancy restaurant. I'm the girl who would rather stay up all night sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk. I'm the girl who won't make you hold her bags, but would rather hold your hand instead. I'm the girl who will love you more than anyone can possibly dream of. I'm the girl who would give the world to see you smile.

...

not to mention that you have such a beautiful smile. ♥

Totally stole this from my friend's tumblr but I thought it was great and I do feel it appeals to me, though the getting drunk part can sometimes be fun and has to be done.. but I really would totally love to be that girl; just for you of course. I'm clearly not good enough anyway, but it's such a shame I've never even had the chance to show you. I could have been a lovely surprise for all you know. I guess there will always be hope.

the sun is shining

update-izzle.

things i'm loving on:

dressing up as an indian. spending time with lots of friends at the same time. the sun. googling song lyrics to read them and realise how beautiful they actually are. getting a reply when you really wasn't expecting one. new clothes and jewellry. songs that suit the summer. jagerbombs. being able to go outside without wearing a coat. writing a positive blog post for once.

things i'm hating on:

wanting things that you can't have. ict coursework. not being motivated. knowing i'm up early in the morning. re-questioning things you thought had gone away. realising how close i am to leaving college. not having money and a job i guess. not losing weight even when i'm eating healthier and exercising.

i've randomly noticed that

work really should not be left to last minute. people my age never learn from this. the sun really does lift your mood. healthy eating is actually so hard. hearing music you've never heard before provides one of the best feelings ever. i'm now addicted to tumblr. water is so great. it really sucks when a bad habit returns. i'm seeing lady gaga seven weeks tomorrow. mw2 is actually awesome. i never get better at making decisions. i need a job and more money. my bum goes numb so quickly. my nephew is cuter than i thought. i'm not as sociable as i used to be. i never get tired of Gossip Girl. i seriously need to pick my two uni choices and sort out my student finance. vimto bon bons are awesome. i need to get back into playing music again. i should visit my nan more often. i really do spend too much time on the computer. i have a massive craving for sour skittles recently. i desperately need new summer clothes. my spacebar is shit. i need this summer to be awesome. sometimes you know the people you don't know, so well. some people really do make you happy. ive not started my english media text yet SHIT.

fuuuuuu.

I always do this.

I write a blog post, and then realise all that I have written is shit and moaning, so I delete it and go away. But this time I won't go away and I will actually post something.


Life is sort of fail at the moment. College work is taking over and making me feel kinda depressed. Fact. But I'm sure that will go away soon and I'll feel better.


I went out on Saturday with my old girls for Blaise's birthday. It was pretty baddd in the sense that I was sick several times, once which was NOT in the toilets resulting in me being escorted outside. Bad times. But good times because I just walked straight back in. Dumbass bouncers. Anywayy apart from me being crazily drunk it was awesome to spend time with old friends. =]


I would like to have more things to look forward to this year, especially with such a beasty summer ahead. The only main thing I have so far is my trip to Manchester on June 2nd to see GaGa with the GGD people, which I actually can't wait for zomg. She is a babe. Speaking of babes I wish the 'babes were touring this year. Too bad their album failed. They said they would tour earlier in the year too which got me excited as I was hoping to go to a show with some of my amazing online friendlies. :( *cough* Emz and Rob *cough*. Ohwell. I'm sure we will eventually.


I really should go because it's past 2am and I have to be up in 5 hours. SUCKS. I enjoy this picture lots.

I wish I knew.

I really hate these times. These times suck. I'm talking about the times where I'm totally fine and happy and pretty average, but behind all that there are things bugging me and tearing me up inside. What do I do? I have no idea. But it's the worst thing. Why do we all have to have our fair share of complicated thoughts? I try to avoid thinking about all these things that are bothering me, because when I don't think about them, I'm totally fine. :)

I'm not even going to talk about everything, but one of these damn things is stupid Uni. I'm having doubts, second thoughts, confusion about what is right for me etc. Just when I thought it was all OK and I just had to choose where to go these stupid thoughts appear. I didn't expect it, and I really don't need it.

Do I really want to go to any of the Uni's that have accepted me? Have I actually chosen the right course for me? Is it really going to take me to what I want to do in the future? Am I even sure at all about what I want to do in the future? Am I even ready for Uni at all? Why do I only have to realise this now?

And if/when I sort all that shit out, will the rest go away?

I WISH I KNEW.

so happy I could die

One of my fave parts of Thursday night...

Quote GaGa (to the audience): "Get your dicks out. 'Cos I've heard they have some pretty big cock here in Manchester. Hands up! Welcome to The Monster Ball.. NOW DANCE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!"

Wow. Just wow.

I saw GaGa live at the MEN on Thursday night for the first date of The Monster Ball in the UK. Yes, I went to the mother fucking Monster Ball!!!

I'm so happy I went, literally so happy. For so long I'd been pretty upset that I didn't have tickets for the show, and the closer the show got the more it hurt. She is my favourite solo artist after all. But a few days before the show I got a ticket!!! Yes, I went on my own, but it wasn't even that bad! I'm so lucky. I got to see GaGa. Live. At the Monster Ball. I still can't get over it.

She was so amazing. She was on for two hours and did 20 songs. She was late coming on, and I only just made the last train home after walking through Manchester on my own in the rain attempting to find the Piccadilly station, but I don't even care. She was worth it. It was the best show I've ever been to, and I've been to a fair amount of shows! I know I'll never forget that night, as she's just such a babe. All I have done for the past couple of days is watch videos from that show on YouTube. I can't get enough. She also looked so hot, just sayin'...

It's too hard to pick a favourite song from the night, but So Happy I Could Die, Dance In The Dark and LoveGame were probably three of the best. Her stage was a beast!! The main stage was massive, and then she had like a catwalk which lead to another stage in the middle, which actually rose in the air. She's actually spent so much money on this tour, it's unbelieveable. And throughout the show she had things on stage such as dancers, her band, a car, a water fountain, a subway, and even a giant monster. What the fuck didn't she have on stage?!

She also has the best fans in the world. Fact. Little monsters = win.

Oh and another thing that I was pleased about is that she got my letter [/ghey]. Someone who worked at the MEN said they'd get it backstage for me. :D Ahh I'm such a saddo. But I do not even care - GaGa has my fucking letter. WIN.

I guess it shows that if you want something badly enough and you try really hard to get it, you will get it.

Some pictures I managed to get on the night:

Zip your lip like a padlock.

I LOVE KE$HA.



I want to be her friend :(

I love this video so much it makes me smile.

But in sadder news, I have the worst stomach pains ever! Bad times. I must say though I'm so happy it's the weekend so I can just chill out now and catch up on my ICT work. I'm hoping to get some/a GaGa ticket(s) very soon too as I'm running out of time! No, I haven't given up yet and I won't. I also hope Ke$ha tours as she's actually so awesome. Her album came out on Monday and I love it! She's just great. Going back to the sadder news, Facebook has changed AGAIN. It's pretty annoying just because it looks so ugly and they've actually made it harder to use and understand.. I think Twitter is the way forward now. Ramble ramble ramble, I never stop. If I can bring myself to get off my arse out of this warm fleece blanket then I'm off to take another dose of paracetamol before these period pains actually kill me :/

Is it bad that music

keeps me so happy?

That sounds depressing, but I don't even mean it like that.. I have other things such as friends and family to keep me smiling. :)

But music moves me so much. I only started to appreciate it properly since around two years ago, and since then it's completely changed my life. I love concerts and live music. Seeing artists such as Lady GaGa, the Sugababes and Beyoncé live in concert were such amazing nights for me. I've talked about this with a friend before.. that when I think about it, how many days can I actually say I've truly lived my life? As in done something really amazing. I've gotta say it's probably not many. But when I see my favourite artists live I get the feeling that I really am living my life. It's pretty amazing. I'd class those nights as a few of the best nights of my life, and I really want to continue living for nights like that. xx

Does it make me weird that I'd rather spend my money on overpriced concert tickets than spending it on going out and getting drunk every weekend? Maybe.. but who even cares as long as I'm happy.

What made me think about this is that I just watched Lady GaGa's performance at the Grammy's live earlier. It was AMAZING. Just as amazing as her VMA performance. I live for music like hers. Beyoncé then came on a little later to perform and she was also phenomenal.

Wow. I really need to stop writing about music and Lady GaGa on here. I have issues. I need to get a life. Or just a new topic. But it's not my fault GaGa and other artists are always doing amazing things that I have to talk about! I wasn't even planning to post on here today, or even tomorrow. But I just could not resist after seeing GaGa's amazing performance earlier. In fact, here it is:





I think I'm in love with her. <333

She's not broken; she's just a baby.

HELLOOO. I'm in such a weird mood. I even feel sort of drunk, but I'm totally not. I've had a weird day.

It's been pretty stressful I must say. Finally handed my media coursework in, I just hope it's decent =/ I can't afford to do shit in it.

THEN I check my UCAS to see if I've finally got my last offer back. Oh I got it back alright.. THEY EFFING REJECTED ME!! :( I'm so gutted, I don't even understand why. Thanks a lot Birmingham.. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't been rejected from Sheffield aswell :( I'm such a loser.

Moving on, I'm in a better mood now. My friend cheered me up earlier, and now I'm chatting on the GaGaDaily forum. Geeky? I DON'T THINK SO. It's pretty awesome and I love some of the people on there. It's actually so great how everyone is getting drunk together on there right now :') I'm so tempted to join them.. Big love for www.gagadaily.com =D

Speaking of which, everyone is getting drunk to drown their sorrows; SINCE GAGA FUCKING CANCELLED ALL THE M&G'S FOR THE UK. WTF IS THAT ABOUT?!?! Don't get me wrong I LOVE LOVE LOVE her, but she's hurt a lot of people there. =[

I physically NEEEEED tickets for her next month. It's not right that I don't already have them. It's unhealthy for me. I'm currently watching 21 items in eBay that are all GaGa ticket related. I'm actually a crazy bitch. It was National Lady GaGa Day yesterday too =')

OKAY I'm totally babbling now so I should wrap this mother up. I'm totally crap at writing blogs. All it is, is me having a conversation with myself. I do love it. =] Reading this post back.. it probably doesn't even have any relevance to anything ever. But I guess these are just the kind of thoughts my strange mind churns out.

On another musical note (do I only care about music?) I really cannot wait for Ke$ha's album to come out on Monday. I'm defnitely buying it. I can't stop listening to the tracks Dinosaur and Take It Off. Dinosaur is actually just so awesome.

I've decided I'm going to post a few awesome pictures, just because I love pictures:

What an absolute dosshole

of a town I live in.
or in fact, of a world we live in.

I just found out this old lady on my street was robbed this morning. I feel so sorry for her. I know it probably sounds average, but it's beginning to pee me of since she's the fourth person on my street to be robbed in around the past two to three months. The thing is, we are pretty sure we know who it is but they never get caught. I'm just scared as I really don't want our house getting robbed as you know, I kinda like my stuff! We were robbed when I was about nine and I must say I wasn't a fan then either.. It just makes me sad that three out of the four of these people that have been robbed in the past few months are old women. It's a cruel world.

It's actually disgusting. *sigh*

On another negative note I still don't have tickets for GaGa. WHAT THE EFF. rgkreglmeiuthnrthkl. :(

I think we need some sort of positive note.. Well I have been very motivated today and done lots of work. It's made me feel better as, even though I still have loads to do, I'm getting it out the way. Winner. I'm currently listening to some Lady GaGa as she's just so great. What an example of a pure winner. I think after doing some revision I'm gonna watch some Gossip Girl, Season 2 me thinks.
Also I watched part of the Haiti telethon live online last night and I plan to watch the rest later or tomorrow. It was great seeing so many celebrities help out and I'm sure that the programme helped so much. Christina nearly made me cry. It's so good to have her back as I used to worship her during the Stripped era. Just look at her stunning performance from last night:



<3

It always seems to be at night..

..when I have the deepest thoughts.

I've just been thinking, how shit is money?

I understand that if you're rich it's probably pretty awesome, but when you think about it, it's not that important.

I've just been reading a lot about the Haiti situation and watching videos about it too, and it's so sad. These people are truly in need of money, and they aren't the only ones. There are children, families and people all over the world who are deprived of basic needs such as food, water and shelter in countries like Africa.

Many people, including myself, enjoy spending £20 on a new dress and blowing their christmas and birthday money on things like phones, iPods and laptops. These sort of actions are natural to us. Sometimes I feel guilty for things like this, but we really should not feel guilty at all. However, this does not mean we should ignore the many issues to do with deprivation around the world. It's nice to address these issues once in a while and try to help. This could mean donating to the cause or even just spreading the word to family and friends to make them aware also.

I've just donated £10 through the British Red Cross to help those in Haiti and I already feel so much better for it. It may not seem like a lot, but knowing that my donation will help provide a family with some water or go towards medical funds for example just puts a smile on my face. It's made me realise that money is not as important as people think and people like those in Haiti right now need my money so much more than I do. I may not be the richest person ever, but it still makes me feel happier knowing that I can help those in need just by donating. I'm praying for them all.

Also everybody should listen to Rihanna's cover of Redemption Song:



She's released it and all profits are going towards the cause to help Haiti. So everyone should definitely buy it, it's available to download on iTunes now. Also on 24th January Lady GaGa is donating all profits made from her concert on that day and any merchandise sold at the concert or online that day to the cause - what a babe. So everyone head to her online store that day to buy stuff! It's great to see celebrities help like this. We may not all be able to give as much as this, but we can all help in the same way :)

I love night time thinking. xxxxxxxxxxx

Even if we are sinking.

This song wins quite a bit. I was only reminded of its existence a few minutes ago. Thank god for shuffle on the good old iPod.



Britney sings it. GaGa wrote it. Ahh that woman is so talented.

WHY WHY WHYYYY do I not have tickets to see her next month. :'( :'( :'(

What is you is me.

I may not have the best clothes, lots of money, the biggest house, the latest phone, or even a pair of jeans that fit me properly.

But I have the best best friends.

One of my best friends just made me smile, truly. Like one of those 'oh now I'm gonna cry' smiles. :) x

Knowing that you are truly loved and appreciated is one of the best things ever.



"We're sisters. You're my family, what is you is me. There's nothing that you could ever say to make me let go. I love you." - Blair Waldorf.

I clearly watch too much Gossip Girl. Wait, you can never watch too much Gossip Girl.

P.S... I'm so lucky that I can put an 's' at the end of the phrase 'best friend'.