I know I just updated but

I should have posted that amazing post weeks ago but I've been k-kinda busy.

I'm not even sure why I'm updating this again. It's not like I have anything interesting to say, but do I ever?

Is it selfish to really worry about yourself? I don't know, I'm just really scared lately, of several things. I think too much then end up upsetting myself. I'm always such a happy face on the outside but deep down I've been feeling kinda shit more than usual recently. I wish some things would just stop. I hate it when you go through things that you can genuinely say you don't deserve, I'm hating on that right now. Wow, things suck. I'm also not completely loving how college has finished now. I kinda miss it. Time is going too fast. I can't believe I'm actually going to Uni in September. It's scary. My childhood has just gone, that's it, I'll never have another opportunity to live it and I spent most of it wishing I could grow up. I guess it just makes me sad because I hate change and growing up is one of the things that scares me the most. I miss when having fun could be your main priority. That just can't be the case anymore. Eugh. Everything's just scary and kinda shit. I really do wanna go back three weeks, to Manchester. Different environment and different people gave me the opportunity to escape from realism for a short while where everything seemed okay. And I had my dreams come true thanks to GaGa. Oh I sound like such a fuck up, probably because I am, but I kinda wish I was at the Monster Ball right now. To be honest I don't even care how retarded that sounds because it's true. Nobody gave a shit there and you feel connected to everybody. I love GaGa fans, purely because we all share a love that not everybody understands. I want to feel that love right now. Reality sucks. Take me back a few years please. I want to remember what it feels like to not have to worry about anything. Thanks.

Wow this post is a crock of shit, but I don't even care. This is my blog to rant and it's made me feel better. I'm gonna turn this sad music off before I have a breakdown and blast Bad Romance because I'M A FREE BITCH BABY. *memories of putting that in my exam.. oh god*

xoxoxoxoxo

3 weeks late but...

I MET LADY GAGA. I actually met her. Like, in my dreams. ♥

LOOK

She was amazing and so lovely and I'm not even going to write the story here, purely because I want to try and keep it personal to me now if I can. But she did get my letter and say I was beautiful. What an amazing person she is, really.

And AHHHHH literally three weeks ago now I would have been sat outside bursting for the toilet before going in and meeting her for the first time by accident. :') Oh the way I've been feeling recently, I'd do anything to go backwards three weeks and live the moment once again. xoxo

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

So it seems my next update isn't about The Monster Ball. Shame.

I'm feeling pretty sad right now, just feel so eugh. I'm sick of randomly getting upset and stuff, I know it's normal I'm sure but I hate it. It's ruining things. I wasn't completely up to seeing my old girls tonight because I was still feeling a bit rough and tired but deep down I was excited to see them as I hardly ever see them so I couldn't wait. However this random bad mood has just made me feeling too crap to even see them now so I've just had to cancel because I don't think I can face going round in this mood. I'm acctually really pissed off at myself. I need to stop letting little things get to me like how I look in clothes etc. I'm convinced that's what's triggered my mood tonight and now it's ruined my night and my chance to see the girls again tonight. What a fail. I'm really annoyed. Arghhh. I hope I become suddenley happier in the next hour or something so I can still go round and see them. I'm such an idiot at times. And no I will not re-read this to check it for spelling mistakes or any shit like that because I just needed to get this crap out somewhere.

[/rant]

fuck yeahhh

I finally got my GaGa ticket in my hand yesterday! I'm so unbelieveably excited it's going to be amazing! 6 days AHHHHHH.

The weather has also been pretty awesome recently. I'm enjoying the sun. I'm going to Blaise's tomorrow again to see my old girls. Even though we're not as close as we used to be and don't see eachother too often it's nice to know that when we do spend time together we can still have a laugh. I do miss how we were in high school though, I guess growing up sucks. I'm staying at Danny's on Saturday night with Billy too which I'm excited for as we always have such a laugh. I haven't seen Billy in a while too so I'm excited for that wooo.

I had my first of the summer exams today. It went okay, not as well as I expected but eugh, there's no point in dwelling on it, hopefully I managed to blag it!

I'm pretty tired. I had such a bad night last night. Couldn't sleep for ages and felt really sad for no reason. Really hate it when that happens. I've been having Uni worries too. Obviously I'm worried I won't get the grades but it's not even that right now. I just keep getting this horrible feeling that I'm not going where I want, like the choice I've made, both Uni and course choice, just aren't right for me. It only really hit me yesterday that where I'm going is quite far compared to other places I could go, and I don't know anyone else going there, this makes me sad. :( Life education-wise currently sucks. Kinda wish I could just blurt every thought in my head out to someone but it doesn't always work that way. I keep getting this feeling that a friend doesn't like me as much as they used to aswell, which is a horrible feeling. I'm sure I'm wrong though, maybe I should just quit being paranoid.

Anywaysss I'm a lazy shit when it comes to updating this so my next post will probably be about THE MONSTER BALL. =D

How epic. :')

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

YES.

This is what it's all about. ♥

Building faith on love and words.

I'm the girl who prefers one rose instead of a dozen. I'm the girl who would rather stay in on a Friday night than go to a wild party with random strangers. I'm the girl who wouldn't make you wait on her hand and foot, but would do anything to make you happy. I'm the girl who would enjoy having a movie night rather than going to some fancy restaurant. I'm the girl who would rather stay up all night sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk. I'm the girl who won't make you hold her bags, but would rather hold your hand instead. I'm the girl who will love you more than anyone can possibly dream of. I'm the girl who would give the world to see you smile.

...

not to mention that you have such a beautiful smile. ♥

Totally stole this from my friend's tumblr but I thought it was great and I do feel it appeals to me, though the getting drunk part can sometimes be fun and has to be done.. but I really would totally love to be that girl; just for you of course. I'm clearly not good enough anyway, but it's such a shame I've never even had the chance to show you. I could have been a lovely surprise for all you know. I guess there will always be hope.

the sun is shining

update-izzle.

things i'm loving on:

dressing up as an indian. spending time with lots of friends at the same time. the sun. googling song lyrics to read them and realise how beautiful they actually are. getting a reply when you really wasn't expecting one. new clothes and jewellry. songs that suit the summer. jagerbombs. being able to go outside without wearing a coat. writing a positive blog post for once.

things i'm hating on:

wanting things that you can't have. ict coursework. not being motivated. knowing i'm up early in the morning. re-questioning things you thought had gone away. realising how close i am to leaving college. not having money and a job i guess. not losing weight even when i'm eating healthier and exercising.

i've randomly noticed that

work really should not be left to last minute. people my age never learn from this. the sun really does lift your mood. healthy eating is actually so hard. hearing music you've never heard before provides one of the best feelings ever. i'm now addicted to tumblr. water is so great. it really sucks when a bad habit returns. i'm seeing lady gaga seven weeks tomorrow. mw2 is actually awesome. i never get better at making decisions. i need a job and more money. my bum goes numb so quickly. my nephew is cuter than i thought. i'm not as sociable as i used to be. i never get tired of Gossip Girl. i seriously need to pick my two uni choices and sort out my student finance. vimto bon bons are awesome. i need to get back into playing music again. i should visit my nan more often. i really do spend too much time on the computer. i have a massive craving for sour skittles recently. i desperately need new summer clothes. my spacebar is shit. i need this summer to be awesome. sometimes you know the people you don't know, so well. some people really do make you happy. ive not started my english media text yet SHIT.

fuuuuuu.

I always do this.

I write a blog post, and then realise all that I have written is shit and moaning, so I delete it and go away. But this time I won't go away and I will actually post something.


Life is sort of fail at the moment. College work is taking over and making me feel kinda depressed. Fact. But I'm sure that will go away soon and I'll feel better.


I went out on Saturday with my old girls for Blaise's birthday. It was pretty baddd in the sense that I was sick several times, once which was NOT in the toilets resulting in me being escorted outside. Bad times. But good times because I just walked straight back in. Dumbass bouncers. Anywayy apart from me being crazily drunk it was awesome to spend time with old friends. =]


I would like to have more things to look forward to this year, especially with such a beasty summer ahead. The only main thing I have so far is my trip to Manchester on June 2nd to see GaGa with the GGD people, which I actually can't wait for zomg. She is a babe. Speaking of babes I wish the 'babes were touring this year. Too bad their album failed. They said they would tour earlier in the year too which got me excited as I was hoping to go to a show with some of my amazing online friendlies. :( *cough* Emz and Rob *cough*. Ohwell. I'm sure we will eventually.


I really should go because it's past 2am and I have to be up in 5 hours. SUCKS. I enjoy this picture lots.

I wish I knew.

I really hate these times. These times suck. I'm talking about the times where I'm totally fine and happy and pretty average, but behind all that there are things bugging me and tearing me up inside. What do I do? I have no idea. But it's the worst thing. Why do we all have to have our fair share of complicated thoughts? I try to avoid thinking about all these things that are bothering me, because when I don't think about them, I'm totally fine. :)

I'm not even going to talk about everything, but one of these damn things is stupid Uni. I'm having doubts, second thoughts, confusion about what is right for me etc. Just when I thought it was all OK and I just had to choose where to go these stupid thoughts appear. I didn't expect it, and I really don't need it.

Do I really want to go to any of the Uni's that have accepted me? Have I actually chosen the right course for me? Is it really going to take me to what I want to do in the future? Am I even sure at all about what I want to do in the future? Am I even ready for Uni at all? Why do I only have to realise this now?

And if/when I sort all that shit out, will the rest go away?

I WISH I KNEW.