"I have to be alone very often.

I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel."

- Audrey Hepburn.

WE LOVE YOU ASTON, WE DO.

WE LOVE YOU ASTON, WE DO.
WE LOVE YOU ASTON, WE DO.
OHHHHH ASTON WE LOVE YOU.

I've have chanted this so many times, both sober and drunk, this week it's crazy.

I'm pretty happy now, feeling lucky. Not only was I shitting myself about going to uni last week, but I was almost convinced that Aston Uni wasn't going to be the right place for me, and that I'd hate it.

But oh my god, it's so amazing so far! I feel so lucky with my floor and flat. We all get on in our flat and we're also close friends with two out of the other three flats on this floor, which is great, and we've even had an epic floor party that made it into the magazine already.

Freshers has been epic. I'm so sad that it's over. :( We have been so lucky with the aunties for our floor, Auntie Finn who is just an ace and laid back guy, and Auntie Kerry who is such a great laugh and she's really looked out for us. Most of the aunties fuck off after freshers apparently, but ours are still gonna hang with us. :D

It won't be the same though. I've been out almost every night but it's not that that I'm gonna miss. It's the seshes. I'm so used to having seshes every night with the rest of the floor and people from other floors and our aunties and other aunties (people clearly love our floor) playing epic drunk games which I love so much. I've learned so much before my lectures have even started ha. Punch party tonight was EPIC and free punch may be one of the best free things ever. Seshes have been my favourite thing so far I think. 50 of us sat in a circle playing simple drinking games whilst being forced to down our drinks by aunties after making simple mistakes such as drinking with your right hand rather than your left (also known as buffalo-ing) has been the best. And it WILL live on.

One. Fat. Frog. Jumped. Into. A. Pond. SPLASH.

I don't care if Freshers Week is over, I'm still gonna be Fresher Nat.

I'm gonna stop babbling now. But I had to get this down somewhere. I can't believe how much I was dreading uni, and it's turned out to be amazing so far. It's so weird, but so great. I'm a lucky girl.

I can now see why people say your years at uni are/will be the best years of your life. And it's already started. Still got four years left. It's gonna be great!

xoxo

WE LOVE YOU FLOOR 10, WE DO.
WE LOVE YOU FLOOR 10, WE DO.
WE LOVE YOU FLOOR 10, WE DO,
OHHHHH FLOOR 10 WE LOVE YOU!

sick of feeling shit.

I need to learn to keep hold of all those happy thoughts.

GONNA GET DRUNK.

REPEAL DON'T ASK DON'T TELL.

I am SO bored.

I miss my best friend. :(

hey remember that time

when you came to my house just to be with a friend because you were really upset about something? And you weren't ashamed to cry?

Well I wish I had the balls to do the same right now.

I wish boys could stop acting like boys sometimes

Ahhh I love my boys so much. I'm not sure what I'd do without them. They are some of my favourite friends ever and I'm going to miss them so much when I go to Uni.

But sometimes I wish they could be a little bit more sensitive, and caring. I'm not blaming them, it's just a boy thing, they can't help it. But I still can't help but hope for them to be like this sometimes. I've felt pretty crap and off this evening and I could hardly laugh or talk or anything when I was out with them, but not one of them asked if I was okay. Again, I'm not blaming them, but sometimes I just wish I had them there to ask that. Sometimes I just need a big long hug but it doesn't feel right getting it off them because they just don't seem to understand.

And now they probably all think that I've let them down tonight by not going to town. But I feel so down, and eugh, it just sucks. :( I just want everything to always be okay with my friends, so why was it different tonight?

FUUUUU. *cries*

I should have just been born a fucking boy. Bring on Brum.

so now town fails.

I have no idea, but recently I have really started hating town so much. This is town at night when going clubbing, not during the day of course, I love shopping.

I feel so stupid for hating it. Most people I know go out like every week adn get drunk in town and love it. I just don't find it appealing anymore, not sure I ever really did. I'm 18 and couldn't wait to turn 18 so I could go out clubbing, and it was fun at first, but now it's just shit.

But why am I like the only person who seems to think so? I have no problem with getting drunk (well, sometimes, when I don't humiliate myself..) I enjoy a drink, but town? Just, no. I only love it for the loud music and to see my friends, but I never seem to enjoy myself anymore when I go out. I much prefer to go to the pub or drink at a friend's house with others instead. There I can be myself, and I feel free. I feel comfortable. I can enjoy myself and we can all laugh together and add to the long list of good times. But town always ends up being awkward and I just stand there like a dick because I can't dance and because I know how shit I look compared to all the beautiful girls around me.

Am I weird?

I'm not saying it's going to be easy.

I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

fuck.

everything.

I really am so lucky that I have some people.

I hate it when you try so hard

And you still feel like you're doing shit. Let's continue to move forward world whilst you continue to throw more shit times and amazing times at me.

You popped my heart seams.

I have been bad today. Shit. Bad at something which shouldn't even exist. I'm not going to make any sense here. That's because I can't, I don't really have a choice. But yeah. I feel like such a weakling after today, maybe I am just weak. I should be able to do anything. I guess I should believe in myself more. Fuck, I've had the person I idolise most who is also like the most popular and amazing woman in the world tell me personally.. "you can overcome anything" ..but can I? I just don't know. I know that no matter how strong you are, every person in the world feels weak and useless at some point. I just hate it. I'm ruining and hurting myself. It's not fair, but I am. I'm not helping myself at all. It's just getting worse. I wish I could just say 'fuck it' and it would go away, but that's not how it works. Fuck it.

I'm going to wake up in the morning hopefully in a brighter mood and feel more positive. Everybody should believe in themselves.

I'm gonna tone down the miserable because I've been doing well with constructive posts for the past couple of ones.

This video is awesome.

This picture just made my night.

Is it weird that I find this picture amazing? I really do.

One of the things that winds me up in this world is the way people, particularly parents, act towards video games. I agree that children should not spend their whole life on video games, but I do not believe they should be banned from them either.

I am so sick of everybody claiming that video games make children violent. NO THEY DO NOT. Bitch please, I have an A Level in Media Studies (finding out my grade on Thursday ahhh..) and I studied this kind of thing last year, and my teacher told me that not one single court case in the world has ever been won through violence being blamed on video games, not one. My nephew is 5 years old. He plays shooting games on his Nintendo DS. Yet instead of being violent and hitting me and asking me to play crazy shooting games, he still just wants to play lego and dance and even asks to do my hair. So parents, please shut up.

One other thing that really winds me up where video games are concerned is sexism. I'm a girl and I play video games. I love my Xbox. I play Modern Warfare 2 online for fuck sake. Why? Because it's awesome. But I just hate how many guys are shocked about that kind of thing. And I also hate how people tell me I can't play because I'm a girl and I should be in the kitchen. FUCK THAT SHIT. You won't be saying that when I'm wiping the floor with you bitches, especially on Guitar Hero, which I beat all my male friends at. I feel like such a superstar on that game. Yeahhhhh.

Kids can play video games without turning into crazy motherfuckers and psycho killers.

Girls can play video games and kick your ass.
Just like the cute little girl in the picture. Aww.

fashion; put it alll on me.

I have just been reading Darian Darling's latest post about Madonna's new clothes line, called Material Girl, for teenage girls. It's actually pretty good for the prices but annoyingly based in the US. Taylor Momsen is the face of the line, and after reading this post I've just realised how jealous I am of Taylor. She is so pretty and fierce looking. She was always one of the best dressers in Gossip Girl, especially season 2, but she is so brave with her looks and I admire that. It's made me realise just exactly how much I suck with fashion. I wish I was brave. In fact I just wish I had the money to blow on clothes. That might help.

Having mainly boys as my best friends for the past 4 years is probably the reason for my lack of understanding with make-up and fashion. I was such a late-comer with make-up and only started wearing it when I was like 16. I'm 18 now and I'm still not that great with it. But I never really do anything about it. Maybe I should help myself out, maybe watch some tutorials on YouTube and try and find out somehow which make-up is right for me because I'm useless when it comes to buying it. When I started wearing make-up the bottle of foundation lasted me like a year or something for fuck sake. And I've never even tried wearing lipstick before. What the fuck is that about.

I'm still not great with buying clothes and looking good at all, but I think I might be getting better.

Recently I've started to take a proper interest in fashion. I think this is due to using Tumblr and also one of my best friends is quite interested in it. When I say a proper interest, I mean I'm now becoming more aware of who designers are and I'm actually enjoying looking at pictures of proper fashion. Luckily Gaga wears a lot of that so that helps. I think I'm going to try to watch some videos online of fashion shows too to see if I enjoy them.

I've loved Photography for like the past two years now since I took a course in it at college. And recently I've now learned to appreciate how amazing fashion photography is. One of my new favourite photographers is Nick Knight. He shoots alot of Gaga. People will probably think I only like him for her - not true. His work is amazing. It was just lucky that I found him because of Gaga.

I may be a bit late, but interest in fashion is finally emerging from me.

Hey you never know, I could be the next Gabrielle Chanel..

LOLJOKES.

(yes I did just have to look up her first name on Google because I had no idea what it was :/)

Here's a video of behind the scenes of a Lady Gaga shoot shot by Nick Knight for the latest issue of Vanity Fair. She is so funny in this! :)

you make me feel like i'm living a teenage dream.

I love Katy Perry. And I really do adore this song. I've played it literally like 100 times in the past two days. But I swear it's making me think too much.

Take a chance and don't ever look back. Pfft at my life.

So, my girl went to France today

Well yesterday now. And I miss her already. I have such bad timing I really wanted to talk the night before she leaves bahah #fail. It's okay though. I've just gotta live without her for like 2 weeks now. :( Lameeee. Currently hating France right now. Just, eugh. I hate things that nobody understands even when they say they do. Currently hating on myself. Bad times.

Well on the up side I bought a new top today from River Island and also finally got Semi Precious Weapon's album (which is AWESOMEEE) and I've been blasting it tonight. My sister also finally painted my nails today and I love them. Look :)

Another pointleess post most likely. These conversations with myself are really getting out of hand. Think I need help ha. I'm off to blast Second Time Around in bed because I'm in love with it right now. Goodnight. xoxo

Update.

I've actually been doing pretty well with updating this recently. Now I've FINALLY just updated my profile (including my picture!) as that shit was outdated. I don't think I have much else to say.

I'm happy Billy liked his birthday presents. :) I was so worried he wouldn't! I'm not the best person at buying presents at all. But it all seemed good and I hope he's having the best birthday ever. I'm just really sad that plans have been cancelled tomorrow now. I was really looking forward to them as it's rare all of us see eachother together nowadays. Sucks major.

I've eaten wayyyy too much in the past few hours so now I feel sick. Definitely not good. That is all. Maybe I'll get an early-ish night tonight for once? I'll give it a shot but I doubt it'll happen. I'm such an insomniac.

2:41am boredness

HELLOOOO this is me.

Not quite sure why I'm updating but ohwell. I forgot how much I loved this shirt; too bad it's ripped on one of the sides - tramp alert - ohwell I'm used to being a bit of a dosser so I'll continue to wear it! As you can probably see in the picture I'm wearing my hair in a bun. I never do this but I'm starting to like having it like that! Though I'm really crap at putting it into one so most of the time I look like a dick. Bad times.

I don't have work until Thursday now so I'm going to arse around until then me thinks. Oooohh also it's Billy's 18th birthday now. WIN. Happy Birthdayyy Billy not that you'll read this but I'm saying it anyway :D xxxxx

Oh also I had such a strange dream last night! I dreamt that Gaga shot me in the head lmao. :( It was sooo strange she had three of us in my room, one person I knew. She let the other two off except me and she shot me in the head! What the hell Gaga I thought we were friends!?! Haha, for some reason I didn't die though. I almost did as I felt my whole body go numb and saw a bright light so I thought I was about to die but didn't. I remember thinking that if I lead there she would think I was dead and I could get away but then she noticed so I was done for.. but then I woke up LOL such a random dream.

Goodnight Blogspot. xoxo

P.S: Gaga rolling in the rain is SEXYYY. Monsters will get what I'm on about ;) Ah I love her except for when she's trying to shoot me in the head of course..

Dreams do come true motherfuckers

Back in high school she wrote in her yearbook that it was her dream to headline at Madison Square Gardens. She's now doing that tonight and is due on stage anytime. FUCKYEAH. ♥

If that isn't proof that dreams can come true, then I don't know what is.

#MadisonSquareGaga

You make me cry.

And you give me hope.

I swear anyone who says she isn't talented is deluded, and I'm not even just saying that because I'm obsessed with her. LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING HANDS GO ON THE PIANO.

I'm going to bed now and attempting to believe in myself once again. xoxo